I think I can! I think I can! I think I can!

20 pounds down! 80 to go! I feel amazing! I can not believe the difference 20 pounds will make. My clothes fit better. I sleep well at night and I think I can see my cheek bones again ;) I am feeling stronger every day. I have a long way to go but I am so encouraged by others as they tell me they notice the weight loss. I can't wait to go shopping for size 10, 8 and even 6 size jeans. I plan to lose another 20 pounds by Christmas. I am getting bored of salads though, so I know I need to come up with some healthy alternatives. My sister sent me a salad recipe that calls for spinach, egg, bacon and Italian dressing. I think that will be on the menu next week ;) Keep me in your prayers. I can not do this alone. Thank God for the strength to endure the pain of this race. As I chug along, I think I can, I think I can! A good pep talk is sound advice.

Falling up and Far Away

I haven't blogged since I fell going UP the stairs at the 5th Avenue Theatre. Les Mis was increible however, the pain in my wrist far weighed out any other emotions and excitement from the play. Needless to say, I am down 12 pounds! WOO HOO! I think I would be down more over the past month if it had not been for the misfortunate mishap. My sister and I were working out at the YMCA and I was all about getting my "act" together. I am sooooooo ready to be the leading lady in my personal life. Not a supporting actress but the one who is making all the "right" moves. I have yo-yo'd my way through my eating plan. Good days, eat well; bad days, uhhhh not so much! Sigh.....My family and I added a new edition to our household during all the chaos. We got a puppy. Dottie. She is keeping me busy too. My patience has been tested. Watch what I eat, take Ibprofen on an empty stomach (oops) feel sick, chase a puppy down the stairs and WHOOPS fall flat on my behind! What in the bleep is wrong with me? Why do I keep falling down?!!! As I write this, I want to rip the wrist guard off of my left arm and throw it out the window! Typing=OUCH ME=GRRRRR!!!!! ~Ok Rach. Get it together.~ I am not having any fun right now trying to change my body image. This shell I have borrowed for the time being is not my own. This temple is weary. I need the Lord! No more excuses for me. Physical Therapy starts today. Well, as long as I have all of the necessary paperwork from my doctor.....Calgon, take me away! Far, far away!

Frustrated Incorporated!!!!!

Ahhhh....day 5! I have had a roller coaster of a ride this week. I dove into my new eating habits and started counting carbs. I watched my intake and followed the plan to the "T." Wednesday night, my sister Amy and I tried ZUMBA at the YMCA for the first time. ZUMBA is a dance exercise routine that is done in the dark with mostly a Latin Beat with some Hip-Hop added for extra flare. Amy and I knew we were in for a treat. The atmosphere was like a night club. We giggled because our past reminded us that we use to like to party. For a brief moment, I missed those days and then quickly remembered why they ended!!!!!!! (I can tell you more about that on a one-to-one level if ya really wanna talk about it) Ok, so we dove right in and kept the pace. Sweat rolled off our faces, backs, elbows and yes, even our ankles! HAHAHA. I even noticed a woman in front of me perspiring on her back in the shape of a smiley face. Her sports bra controlled a lot of the moisture so the eyes appeared from her shoulder blades and her lower back had a "swoop" effect much like a smiling mouth :) LOL. Amy and I got a good laugh about that. We were being "good sports" amongst the pain and anxiety associated with the work out. My heart kept pounding in my chest screaming at me: "What are you doing? What are you doing?" It had forgotten this intensity. My mind kept insisting that I press on. So, I did. At the end of the class, the instructor came up to us and applauded our "first time" achievements. She said: "Pretty good for a first time. When I first did Zumba, I was laying on the floor, literally." That made me smile. I thought to myself: "Hey, I can REALLY do this. So, yesterday, I decided that it had been 4 days and I probably lost a few pounds. Excitedly, I stepped on the scale and presto-chango= 0! I lost 0 pounds in 4 days. The discouragement crept up my spine. I began to shake my head in confusion. Then, I confessed my sorrows to my mother. My mom is an amazing woman. She always knows just what to say. She told me to give it more time, maybe it was the wrong time of day to get weighed and perhaps the work out added on some weight due to the build-up in the fluid around my joints that occurs after a good exercise. "YEAH RIGHT!" (What I REALLY wanted my mom to do was kiss my boo-boo and make me feel better by giving me a cookie). I secluded myself into my room, plopped my rather large rear end on top of my bed and I began to cry out to the Lord. With tears rolling down my cheeks I proclaimed to my Heavenly Father: "This is the hardest thing I have ever done." I truly felt this way as I began to lament. Then, images of a perfect body began to flood my mind. (Now in this life, I know that there is no such thing, but bear with me here, it's a vision ;) So, I told myself to "get it together" and I went to my living room to face my husband. Paul and I started the Atkins diet at the same time. Earlier in the day he had mentioned that his belt was now on the last loop. How was I going to confront him with the news that I felt like I was failing? So, I got up just enough courage to look him in the eye (mine still teary from my prior out pour) and tell him. "OK, I have lost nothing so far." He was supportive and encouraged me to keep moving forward. "Give it more time." TIME? I am frustrated for sure. I have been playing this mind game with myself; craving to just live my life in the "easy lane" but that was getting me nowhere FAST! So, it's Friday. I look forward to next Friday. I think I will stay off of the scale for a couple more weeks. Keep the ZUMBA pace and count my carbs. My intentions to succeed far weigh out the numbers on the scale. Besides, today, my jeans do feel a little bit looser. Maybe it really isn't in all the numbers. Maybe it is just a game of "WEIGHT AND SEE"

This is HARD!

Man, I underestimated my will power....this is not as easy as it looked on "paper." Well, I am surviving and after a long weekend of what felt like many a last suppers, I am now completely off of all sugars and "bad" carbs. The morning went well. My hot breakfast of egg beaters and turkey sausage hit the spot with my good ole faithful cup of joe. However, this cold lunch is not at all what my belly wants. When I smelt the hot pizza, pastas and microwave lunches in the break room, my knees wobbled as if I had come face to face with my first true love: FOOD! Oh, the agony of deprivation. I have to cleanse my body for two weeks during this "induction" phase and then there will be a few more options out there for me. I didn't think it would be as difficult as today has been. Day #1, we are almost through with you! And I just know that dinner will be the thing that launches me into a successful tomorrow. Tonight: Water Aerobics!
*Stay tuned. I know I will find the courage to post my "before" weight loss pic.*

I weigh....how much?

So I went to the doctor yesterday for a routine check-up. I got on the scale and the nurse put the digits on 150#'s. I thought to myself: "Gee, how sweet. Does she really think my frame is a mere buck-fifty? No, way! She sees patients all day. She must know that I am, well, let me be honest with you, well over 200#'s. Right?" After I urged her on to tip the scale weight a lil more and then slightly higher (I already knew my body mass) and presto! Confirmed! 234#'s. Ok. I shrugged my shoulders. Upon my discussions with my doc, she suggested I go on a high protein low carb diet. "Be sure to EAT breakfast." She said. "Your genetics have you predestined for this." She stated. So, i thought to myself, "hmmm, guess I was born this way." But being miserable in my frame I am taking matters into my own hands. Today is a new day and tomorrow will be another one as well. I must FEEL good again in my skin. I love to write. So I am blogging my journey of weight loss. Here goes!!!!!!!!!!!!!